2014-09-01 周六活动报道:准备好自己,再去帮助别人 – 以健康心态面对生命的衰老和终结/ Sat. Activity Report: Ready on yourself then help others – face the end of life with a healthy attitude

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准备好自己,再去帮助别人 

–  以健康心态面对生命的衰老和终结

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每个人都会走到生命的尽头,大多数人对终点并不畏惧,其实真正不好走的在于接近终点的那一段路。面对身体机能的下降,慢性病的出现,尤其是大脑的日渐迟钝,人的五种基本需求(生理需求、安全需求、社交需求、尊重需求和自我实现需求)逐一收到冲击,在需求得不到满足而自己又无能为力之时,我们唯一能做的只有改变内在,适应外在,这其实也是人生中最具挑战性的一堂课,这次的功课做得好与不好,没有成绩可以证明,只有自己内心感受得到,一切都将回归于己身,回归于自己对生命本质的体会。 8月30日,安省心理治疗师协会临床会员,具27年心理咨商经验的心理治疗师唐莉老师的讲座开放了这个大多数人避而不谈的凝重话题,极具启发性的问题引起大家一步一步的深入思考,首先准备好自己,再去帮助别人,是唐莉老师建议的处理方式,如果连自己对衰老和死亡都没有足够深入的思考和准备,又如何能去开导和帮助别人呢。 以自己回到台湾探望重病父亲的感受为开端,唐莉老引出如何面对死亡的话题。死亡是不可避免必然发生的,衰老是我们都会经历到的状况,不管自己喜欢不喜欢,要不要,一定都会遇到。我们准备得越好,就越不会害怕。当心爱的人快要离世了,当身边人得了绝症,自己是什么感受呢?和身边的人连结越强,越有情绪反应,然而越梳理这种情绪,就越不会那么难过。如何面对自己的失落和如何面对他,是分开的两个部分。我们需要首先准备自己,要面对,不是逃避,让自己的焦虑释放,才能去跟他谈。唐莉老师问大家认为死亡是什么?有人说是肉体不存在了,灵魂飞上天堂。有人说是人生这一世的功课结束了,下课了, 到另一个世界被打分。唐莉老师讲,死亡对于生者来说是不可知的,但曾有过濒死体验的人记录了自己离开身体并从外面看着自己身体的情况。她自己选择相信灵魂的存在,虽然不被科学100%地证实,但是这种相信带给她个人的内在感受是好的。世界上有很多东西没办法衡量,比如爱,这些是要自己去感受,有效无效,是不是适合你,都是个人的。我们从小到大的教育都是教给大家统一的经验,忽略个人经验。从小到大都倾向于与外在的脉络连接,而忽略自己内在开不开心,这就导致了很多心理疾病。她遇到的很多病人,都是在做别人想要的样子,比如父母要的样子,他们不能活出自己,就变的很忧郁,这就是心理疾病的开端。华人世界有一种普遍期待,有一种社会认可的成功,这使很多人活着的目的是成为别人想要的样子。但是每个人都只能做自己,不能做别人。就像一朵玫瑰花,把它硬变成菊花,它活不出来,只能枯萎死掉。但是如何做自己,如何找到平衡,需要自己对人生深入的思考,领悟以及尝试,这其实是一种回归内在生命本质的心灵道路。 面对死亡,一般人可能会有以下一些反应过程,否定,憤怒,討價還價 把自己时间拉长,絕望 ,最后接受 。与死亡相比衰老比较可怕,没有独立性,没有尊严,让人更加难以接受。“渐冻人”群体(中国有20万人或更多,患者早期只是感到有一些无力、肉跳、容易疲劳等一些症状,渐渐进展为全身肌肉萎缩和吞咽困难,最后产生呼吸衰竭)直面死亡逐步来临的过程,有些人记录下身体从有力到无力,自己从不接受到接受的过程,并以此告诫活着的朋友要好好地活,要在活着的时候去完成自己的心愿。我们的身体和心灵是互动的,身体出现的状况有些时候是说明心理需要调整,我们要经常问问自己,还有什么想要做的没做,趁着还有机会赶紧去做。唐莉老师讲到除了心理上的梳理以及尽早完成未了心愿之外,还有一些应该考虑到的事项,如自己决定如何處理醫療事宜,財產處理和計劃自己的葬禮 。 另外,如何照顾失去自理能力的家人,在家人失去独立性时如何维护他们的尊严,是旁边人很重要的功课。怀抱一颗体谅的心,我们需要从生理和心理上照顾他们,这也同时开启了我们对人生更深刻的领悟和体验。而关于如何照顾濒危者,唐老师讲到以下一些原则:瞭解自己對死亡及瀕死的看法和感受 。讓瀕死者情緒宣洩 ,只握手听他讲就好,让其情绪得以纾解。真誠相待,量力而為 ,沟通很重要,要了解真正的状况是什么。讓瀕死者覺得總是有人在身邊 。調適自己的休息和步調 。不要把自己對死亡和瀕死的哲學觀強加在瀕死者的身上,讓他們保有自己的看法 。要听从濒死者的要求(比如是否接受侵入性治疗等),尊重遗嘱。選擇寧靜、 有尊嚴的情境來向瀕死者告別。 讲座的问答部分,大家也纷纷表达自己对生死的见解和想法,并提出自己遇到的一些问题,唐莉老师也一一提供参考意见。 整场讲座在掌声中结束,唐莉老师思路清晰,极具启发性的讲解使大家对衰老与死亡的问题有了一个新的,较全面的认识,并且更多的引起大家的思考,自己应该如何面对衰老和生命的终结,应该做些什么样的准备,自己还有什么心愿未了,自己在做的是真正想做的事情吗?当我们真正看到自己生命尽头的时候,很多事情的抉择,很多问题的利弊权衡,就不再那么复杂,因为我们将会真正理解什么是过眼云烟,什么才是这一生中最宝贵的东西。   文化中心代表所有在场听众感谢唐莉老师的深刻讲解! 新天地文化中心 宋艳供稿 OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA  

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